An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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