it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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