If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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