Porn is love you can see.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
