Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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