He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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