hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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