farters have to be the big spoon...
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Randomize
