Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
