Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
