I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
