I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
