Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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