Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
