It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
