if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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