CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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