Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
