I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
