Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
