I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
