I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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