do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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