I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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