ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
