Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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