Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
