i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize