I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
