Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
