It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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