theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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