I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
