Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
her vagine was all disorganized.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
