Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
