You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
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