so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
