So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Randomize
