i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
i think im in europe. pls send help
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
