I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize