He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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