so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize