So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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