i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
And then he peed in my hair
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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