9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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