Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
