yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Drunk is a universal language darling
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