I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
