you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
