I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
