its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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