Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
