I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
