walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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