Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
