Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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