Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize