he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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