My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
