Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
