do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
