Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
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