so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
