So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
