Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Randomize
